Oh, That Haunting Feeling

As an adult, it often surprises me what children are, and are not, scared of. I think what surprises me more is what kids are not afraid of, what we, as adults, know they should be, or according to our elder brains and "vast" experiences, ought to fear. I wonder if many of the fears of children are transformed from their adults. When I was a child, I developed this fear of spiders. Bugs in general, as with most boys, didn’t seem to bother me much, but those spiders, I found no use for them. Could have been that “The Attack of The Killer Tarantula” movie in my youth. I’ll catch most bugs in the house and throw them out, but I have no issues squishing a spider in the house. Guess I wouldn’t make a good Buddhist.

And there are those fears we take as children into our teens and adulthood. Not all fears follow us, but the ones that do are often much deeper, more secretive, masking themselves in emotional tentacles that wiggle into the cerebral depths of our beings. It has become my experience that we are often unaware of the reality of these fears, and the continuous negative habits we develop to avoid our realization of their impact. My mentor, during my licensure period, would probe into my fears, much uninvited, to push me to see what I was avoiding, to where my fears lied. I didn’t much like that at the time, which she knew, and I’m ever so grateful for it today.

Fears can often mask themselves as anger, passivity, charm, avoidance, frustration, isolation, gregariousness, and so on, in a never ending list of emotions. Fear can be created in all stages of life, resulting from rejection as a child, abuse from those who were to protect and love you, confusion in life, divorce, death, traumatic experiences, mental illness and chemical addiction of parents and family, and again, the list goes on. Digging through the surface to get to the root of our fears, and eventual healing, can often be a difficult and painful process, made more difficult by our faulty belief systems and self created modes of personal defenses. The pain of healing often appears too large a risk, more dangerous than living in the fears of “comfort” we’ve become accustom to.

Audre Lorde felt that, “When I dare to be powerful -- to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.” And that is what my God, my wife, my mentor, and others have taught me, that if I know my purpose, my mission in life, the importance of fear no longer is important. Fear loses its grip as I realize that my power rests in God and that if I stay true to His mission for me, there is nothing to fear. Yes, I know, easy to say, hard to do; or is it? When I give up my fears, stand firm in the face of God, and surround myself with my allegiance, then yes, it is easy, and quite doable.

If you feel safe and able to explore your fears, I encourage you my friend and reader to draw a funnel and write what is keeping you from succeeding in your life’s direction at the top of the funnel and begin to “funnel down” into your real fears. Again, if you feel safe and comfortable exploring your fears, I encourage you to do this with a trusted friend, spouse, family member, therapist, or clergy. You do not have to walk alone in life. Embrace the love of your God and the people he has placed in your life, search out a good counselor, and slowly and gently begin to face your fears. My friend and reader, ask yourself, is it time to say hello to that Haunting Feeling, taking its power, and letting it go.

http://www.biography.com/articles/Audre-Lorde-214108
http://www.explorefaith.org/lifelines/fear.html

(The writings in this post are random thoughts and observations and are NEVER intended as professional or personal advice. Take what works and leave the rest. For information on mental health and/or substance abuse help, visit http://www.rodneyvalandra.com and refer to the links page.)