Is it Tired or Am I Just Getting Old

Ever fell back in life and the brain yells to you, wow, am I tired. And I'm not talking about being tired because of life, yard work, and post-activities of the day; just plain tired. There are days that "running away", like we use to threaten as small angry children with red faces and clinched fists, is just appealing. The thought of bundling it all up on the end of a stick and hitting the big open road tugs at the wondering heart, feeling there's got to be something better than this. Times like that when I wish I knew how to ride a motorcycle, wind in my hair, a thousand miles an hour down a road of who really cares where it ends, just as long as I'm riding (you motorcycle freaks know what I'm talking about, even if I don't).

Or maybe it is the realization that age is catching up and the colorful vivid memories of our past sail us down that old and familiar river of d'Nile, convincing ourselves that we can somehow magically recapture our youth. So we throw away marriages, isolate from friends and family, ignore our children, cuss out the boss, find that hot young new love, whether it be a new mate or a new car (I prefer a Porsche), and set our sights on "it's got to be better than this".

And in that state of being tired, our old friend Blame comes to visit. If my husband/wife had loved me more, if my children had exhibited better control, if my boss had seen my true talents, and on and on. I was tired today, from the events of life that I have no control over yet I continue to drag into my circle of control, knowing better, but still wrestling like Jacob with God, to gain some control and understanding in what was not mine to control or mine to understand. Funny how in our attempts to control what is not ours to control, we completely lose control over ourselves, the situation, and often damage others. And then we have to deal with that nasty "f" word...forgiveness (sorry man)".

I wonder if it's being in that form of tired that grows us older before our time or that getting older drives us into unrealistic fantasy thoughts of the past, making us just plain tired. Either way, I really don't like being tired, even if it justifies my mind into an escape route mode, taking no prisoners, as I run like hell, like I'm really running from it. Along comes Blames twin, Justification, and now, oh man, can I belief and rationalize anything. It's times like these that I need a really good self care program or a really good friend, or I suppose most of all, a humbling act of submission to my God of the life I'm feeling so tired from, so rejected by, so run over, like lying in the middle of a highway waiting for the welcome of the next big rig to run over my human form.

Submission does not come easy, yet in the oddity of reality, submission is really quite easy. It means that I practice acceptance (a whole other subject for a completely different day), recognize and let go of my resentments, anger, pride, and all those other emotions that we make masters of our soul but lie to us more than build us into God's perfection creation. It seems to me that hope and love are weapons of war against the struggle of being tired. Realizing who is God and that I'm not, helps us to live in His presence and see with a heart of gratefulness just what it is we have in our lives. Reality helps us to fight the road "tired" wishes us to travel. God gives us a choice and in that choice we get to decide just where we'll plant the thoughts and decisions and directions of our lives.

What do you do to keep from getting tired and old? What do you do to keep focused on the reality of a Real God and the reality of who you are as a creation of that same loving and merciful God? I write, read, draw, walk, pet my greyhound Reggie, sometimes scream (sorry my family), and thus far, always come back to my God. When you find yourself getting tired or old, get out of the blames, the rationalization, the denials of life stewed by the false belief's of the past, and do something, call someone, love and be loved, and rest in the arms of your God and Savior, who see's your value and your struggles, and will love you through being "tired and old". Resist the temptation to follow a faulty emotion that will lead you down a real road of earthy hell.

(The writings in this post are random thoughts and observations and are NEVER intended as professional or personal advice. Take what works and leave the rest.)