Listen, Do you Understand

I was given a day by day calendar last Christmas by my nephew. This calendar has faulty translations, ignorant quotes, and other quotes that can be described as nothing less than just plain stupid. An example from a newspaper headline stated, “Dumped Fish Remains Upset”, or a statement from an insurance company, “I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble and my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident”, or a statement from a truck leasing company, “You asked for trucks and we complied with our contract, and it is immaterial whether the trucks were operational or not”.

Isn’t communication great, not to mention tricky, or confusing, or anything other than easy. Communication becomes hindered due to personal interpretation, the emotional filtering and coloring of the hearer, external environmental noises, not to mention the noises in the skulls of those communicating. Oh and what about perceptions and our experiences, how they both interfere with the meaning of communication, the desired results of the speaker.

So much pain and destruction has ridden behind the winds of faulty communication. Think of the arguments between fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, parents and their adult children. Fights and violence form perceptions and assumptions, not hearing the meaning of uttered words. Or leaders of nations plotting the destruction of others, political leaders massaging truth to earn their own gains. Lost marriages and dashed hopes, lack of hearing and understanding, forgotten love.

Communication is not about the words used as much as about the meaning of what is said, and what is heard, and the art of understanding. Our struggles with communication are often due to our struggles with listening. Letting go of our perceptions, of our hurts, of the roadblocks that clog the channels of communication can be difficult. Our emotions, experiences, values, voices of the past, unforgiven hurt, and emotions such as anger, frustration, and fears, create walls around our ability to understand.

Communication is the bedrock of a successful relationship. I encourage you, my friend and reader, to begin to let go of the noise in your brain and begin to truly hear and understand what others are saying. Begin to allow the roadblocks to fall from your ears and experience the speaker, your spouse, your child, your friend, in a new and authentic manner. I encourage you, my friend and reader, to practice communication through the art of understanding. Dr. John Gottman is a good resource for building the relationships you desire through effective and loving communication. Hearing through the muck is possible, and with practice and intention, very realistic.
(The writings in this post are random thoughts and observations and are NEVER intended as professional or personal advice. Take what works and leave the rest. For information on mental health and/or substance abuse help, visit http://www.rodneyvalandra.com and refer to the links page.)

Comments

  1. KOctober 6, 2009 at 2:03 PM

    Rodney,
    I found this to really hit home and there has been much discussion of "relationship" in our family lately. Much of which relates to forgiveness and, as you said, letting go of our hurts and for us, just the way we were raised to think and act. But I would like to add something; I have found that a lot of it is also, especially in dealing with the older generations and pride, etc., hearing UN "uttered words". You said: "not hearing the meaning of uttered words", and I would just like to say that I find it more difficult to look past pride and hear words that people won't or don't say. It saddens me that pride can play such a role in unfulfilling relationships. I dont mean reading something into a relationship that really isn't there. I mean that some people just don't know how, or were never shown how to communicate love. Just because we're related by blood does not necessarily warrant a relationship. It is hard to open up sometimes, but oh, so rewarding when we do. I would encourage others also to try and read between the lines when it may be needed, swallow our pride, and just accept that there are those who don't know how to communicate their feelings and we have to accept that as maybe the best one can do sometimes and not lessen that person's love for us. It allows us to actually love that person more without trying to control "how" they love us or making that on our terms too. Not so easy to do...
    As always, thanks for listening.

    ReplyDelete
  2. RodneyOctober 6, 2009 at 2:29 PM

    Great comments and I appreciate you putting your feelings and thoughts out there for others to "hear" your wisdom.

    ReplyDelete

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