I Would If Only

Being alone can mean so much too so many people. Many cringe at the thought of being alone, becoming anxious in the presence of others at the mere thought of aloneness. Others yearn for the opportunity to be in the presence of aloneness. And of course, there are multitudes of levels between. Some people seek out being in groups of strangers, making attempts to not be alone, yet the whole time, being completely alone amongst others, faking and hiding their inner turmoil of aloneness, wearing their all too familiar masks. And the other extreme is the one who fakes the smiles, wishing the world would leave him alone, just for a little while.

Being alone can allow the voices of the mind to yell so loud it becomes unbearable, and it can also allow the voices of the mind to soothe, relax, and be at peace. Being alone can rush in reality that the noise of life keeps at bay, and it can also trickle in the calmness that solitude and quiet can only bring. Again, aloneness carries so many different meanings for so many different people.

Today, as I hear the sounds of worship from down the hall, the voices of children across the hall, the bubbling of the fish tank outside these walls, I find myself resting in complete and utterly God ordained joy. Nothing but being present in the complete reality of right now, no worries, no problems, nothing, complete nothing. Oh how I wish life could bring more of this nothing.

And yet, as I say so often, “It’s nice to have a wish, so what are you going to do about it”. Don’t you hate your mind telling you the advice you give others? And yet, reality is reality. How often do we tell ourselves the “if only…when this happens…I would if…”, or the such, in an attempt to avoid choosing what we say we want. The reality is you and I have the ability to make the choices to pretty much make what we want happen. It’s often what we’d have to do, or lose, that gets in the way of making choices that would bring us the joy, peace, and serenity we inside yearn for in our lives.

I encourage you my friend and reader to evaluate, yes, to write down, what is getting in the way of you choosing to make the changes you need in your life to become the authentic self you were created to be, claiming what you need, whether that is solitude or multitude, in your life. Joy is yours if you are willing to fight the good fight. Contrary to popular Christian belief, you were not created to be miserable. In my journey, I have discovered that Joy is internal, coming from God, and no external source. I encourage you my friend and reader, to claim the joy God has granted you. And I, like you, will begin to put aside my “would of, could of, should of, must be, if only, etc” that is keeping me from claiming the peace God desires for my soul. Thank you, my love, for continuing to challenge me.

(The writings in this post are random thoughts and observations and are NEVER intended as professional or personal advice. Take what works and leave the rest. For information on mental health and/or substance abuse help, visit http://www.rodneyvalandra.com and refer to the links page.)