Now That Really Angers My Fear


Have you ever noticed, while driving, minding your own business, enjoying the drive, how easily motorists can become angry. I remember a friend many years ago telling me that as he was driving, a man cut him off, and in my friends anger, he showed the other driver one of his fingers for that other drive to observe. My friend told me that what happened next surprised him, the other drive pulled up a gun, pointed it at my friend, and waved his gun at him in much the style a mother would wave her finger at her children, pointing out displeasing behavior. Needless to say, my friend no longer displays his one finger in agitation to other drivers.

Anger is not a destructive emotion on its own. It is when anger becomes coupled with rage that it becomes dangerous, either in a verbal, emotional, or physical manner, or even more commonly, in a manner that includes all three. Anger can be an emotion that is so easily passed down from generation to generation, like an old family heirloom. Rejection, insult, attack to our ego, a sense of injustice, can all prompt anger. I know that in my own anger issues, a sense of disrespect is the trigger that stirs my rage.

In my experiences, and in my strong belief, I have discovered, and research often backs, that the often underlying emotion or factor to our anger is fear. Fear is such a primal emotion, one of survival, protection, and instinct. We all have triggers or buttons that others push that ignite that primal fight or flight instinct. The level of activities and stressors we encounter in our families, work, and culture stir the inner fears of our minds as well. We worry and contemplate, struggle and strive, work and lack play, wearing ourselves thin, denying ourselves the self care we need and deserve.

Fear comes in many packages. We fear rejection that can look like isolation and pain. We fear success that can look like laziness. We fear condemnation that looks like accommodation and passivity. We fear judgment that can look like anger and frustration. The packages of our fear can be endless and the form our anger takes can wear many masks. Anger is no more negative than love, and both emotions can be destructive when used in ways that they were not designed by God.

I encourage you, my friend and reader, to explore your sources of anger that lead to fear, rage, and actions that damages relationships. Determine what needs to be avoided, such as alcohol, drugs (prescription and street drugs), negative people, etc. When exploring your anger, hers are some tips to recreate your anger emotion back into a healthy emotion.

Acknowledge and confess your anger to yourself. Understand what your anger is about and your motives, triggers, and buttons. Begin to choose to deal immediately with your anger, in the right here and right now. Recognize your physical reactions to anger and let your body be a warning system to your brain of the arising anger. Begin to learn how to manage negative anger and implement controls to redirect your anger. Stop treating people who are not your enemy as your enemy. Look at their face and realize who you are talking to. Respond to the behavior and don’t demoralize the person. Slow down, breath, align your mind with God, and respond in love.

Reframing our anger is no easy task. I encourage you, my reader and friend, to begin today to recreate who you are, to respond in love, to seek forgiveness when you mess up (and you will), and embrace the heart of Christ. Let your anger be righteous, and your love be stronger.


(The writings in this post are random thoughts and observations and are NEVER intended as professional or personal advice. Take what works and leave the rest. For information on mental health and/or substance abuse help, visit http://www.rodneyvalandra.com and refer to the links page.)

Comments

  1. OK - I want to know where the camera is????? Have you been watching me this week? lol This has literally been one of the worst and longest weeks I have had in a long time, and again...God speaks to me through your words; amazing. (But then he always is!) Thanks for the advice and insight on dealing with these things. I, like you, have been triggered by disrespect and it dealt with employers. I have been praying and your words validated some corrective actions I need to take. I especially am moved to thought regarding your statements ..."Stop treating people who are not your enemy as your enemy. Look at their face and realize who you are talking to. Respond to the behavior and don’t demoralize the person. Slow down, breath, align your mind with God, and respond in love." WOW -- Awesome advice and words! THANK YOU RODNEY. Your the best! -k

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