The I Don't Want To Zone

The night is still and my home is quiet. My angelic children are in bed and the big dog is asleep on his back, his long legs reaching for the ceiling. The washing machine downstairs keeps time in rhythmic electronic tones which I cannot describe in words, but I’m sure I could mimic vocally. I think my mechanic of 20 years is the most talented in mimicking noises I’ve ever met. My bride sits quietly on the couch writing and reading, of what I’m not sure. My bed is quietly whispering my name and calling me to sleep.


I made the mistake of saying out loud, “I don’t really feel like blogging”, to which my focused wife utters, “Maybe you should blog about that”. I laugh, and then think, “You know, you’re right”. It’s not that blogging is a chore, as it most certainly is not; being much more of a release and a pleasure for me, but then, how often do our pleasures become somewhat burdensome at times. It’s ironic how pleasures in life can convert themselves into burdens within our minds, robbing us of their onetime joy.

I think it’s also ironic how a thought can interfere in our desires if we let that thought grow into something it was never meant to be. The thought of a pretty woman turns to lust and an eventual act of unfaithfulness. Celebration turns to drunkenness and results in new jewelry and free room and board at the county jail, not to mention financial and relational burden. Anger grows into rage and emotional and physical pain is soon to follow. The thought is not necessarily the culprit in the scenario, the hidden and underlying emotions that drive the thought being more to blame.

The I don’t want to, I don’t feel like it, I don’t feel it’s fair, that makes me angry, and the I deserve it emotions find their way into the center of our thoughts and soon our thoughts take a back seat and emotions drive the being into who knows where, often digging ourselves out of guilt, shame, resentment, and disappointment. Been there and done that, more times than I can remember and more times than I want to remember.

When we enter the “I don’t want to” zone, and zones like them, it’s always wise to slow it down, take a few breaths, and remember who you are. By being aware of the emotional triggers of being hurried, hungry, angry, lonely, and tired, we can regroup in our vulnerability, reenergize our beings, and continue to make good choices, not emotional reactions, that will lead us towards our paths and goals in life. Today, or should I say tomorrow, keep your thoughts pure and focused, choose to do what you need to when your emotions tell you otherwise, don’t sell your soul to emotional reactions, and walk the good road of love and acceptance in life.


(The writings in this post are random thoughts and observations and are NEVER intended as professional or personal advice. Take what works and leave the rest. For information on mental health and/or substance abuse help, visit http://www.rodneyvalandra.com and refer to the links page.)

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